I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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