why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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