dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
