My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
