the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
