A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
