I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
