So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
