Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
