I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
