paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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