at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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