I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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