I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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