No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
