Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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