I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were trust falling into bushes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
