We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
