I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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