By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
