I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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