I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
