Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
