i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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