Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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