Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
