oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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