If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just high enough for therapy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
