Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
