Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
