I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
