Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
