Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
