Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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