i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Never joke about your clitoris.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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