and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
