I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
