so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
