I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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