i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
