wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
