Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
