I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
