i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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