turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
