we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
