I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
