Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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