fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize