Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
