I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
