There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
