i think my tv is drunk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
