The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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