we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
