To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
