So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
