if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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