i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
