The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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