i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
