So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
