thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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