I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
