Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
