I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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