I think i peed on brittanys purse
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He did a backflip because drugs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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