Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
