Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
