Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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