I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You need a sexual gate keeper
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
