Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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