You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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