you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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