I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i think i have herpe
just one?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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