I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
