Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
