I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am available for nakedness
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize