What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
