I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
