So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
